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Yossi and Yitzhak are on a train across Poland, each on his way to meet a prospective bride on the other side of the country. Halfway there, Yitzhak turns to Yossi and says, "Forget about this whole marriage thing. I just don't like the idea." So he gets off at the next stop and makes his way back home.

Meanwhile, Yossi continues on and is met at the final destination by the mothers of the two prospective brides. When the mothers realize what has happened, they instantly begin to fight over whose daughter should wed this precious little boychik.

"He's mine!" cries one.

"Not on your life," cries the other, "He will marry my daughter!"

After bickering for a while, Yossi and the two mothers decide to go to the rebbe and ask him to resolve the situation. In the grand tradition of the ancients, the rebbe replies, "Well, there is only one solution to this problem. Cut the boy in half, and you each take half home with you."

At this, the first mother looks shocked, while the second mother grins and cries emphatically, "Yah! Cut him in half!!"

The rebbe points to the second mother and says, "THAT is the real mother-in-law. Case closed."



14. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. (Be aware: this will cost you.) (Adam. Genesis 2:19-24)

13. Wander around a bit and you'll find someone. (Cain. Genesis 4:16-17)

12. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
(Boaz. Ruth 4:5-10)

11. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. (Moses. Exodus 2:16-21)

10.Wait for your brother to die and take his widow. (Boaz. Book of Ruth)

9. Make up for quality with quantity. 
(Solomon. 1 Kings 11:1-3)

8. Kill a husband and take his wife.
(David. 2 Samuel 11)

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. (Jacob. Genesis 29:15-30)

6.When you see someone you like, tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." (Samson. Judges 14:1-3)

5. Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)

4. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

3. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. (Xerxes or Ahasuerus. Esther 2:3-4)

2. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off. (Benjamites. Judges 21:19-25)


Cut two hundred foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies. (If you really want to impress him, pickle them!) (David. I Samuel 18:27)

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לֵב שָׂמֵחַ יֵיטִב גֵּהָה וְרוּחַ נְכֵאָה תְּיַבֶּשׁ־גָּרֶם׃

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine;
but a broken spirit drieth the bones.

(Proverbs 17:22)


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