and Yitzhak are on a train across Poland, each on his way to meet a
prospective bride on the other side of the country. Halfway there, Yitzhak
turns to Yossi and says, "Forget about this whole marriage thing. I just
don't like the idea." So he gets off at the next stop and makes his way back
Yossi continues on and is met at the final destination by the mothers of the
two prospective brides. When the mothers realize what has happened, they
instantly begin to fight over whose daughter should wed this precious little
"Not on your
life," cries the other, "He will marry my daughter!"
bickering for a while, Yossi and the two mothers decide to go to the rebbe
and ask him to resolve the situation. In the grand tradition of the
ancients, the rebbe replies, "Well, there is only one solution to this
problem. Cut the boy in half, and you each take half home with you."
At this, the
first mother looks shocked, while the second mother grins and cries
emphatically, "Yah! Cut him in half!!"
points to the second mother and says, "THAT is the real mother-in-law. Case
THE TOP 14 BIBLICAL
TO GET A WIFE COUNTDOWN
Have God create a wife
for you while you sleep. (Be aware: this will cost you.)
(Adam. Genesis 2:19-24)
Wander around a bit and you'll find someone.
(Cain. Genesis 4:16-17)
12. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
(Boaz. Ruth 4:5-10)
Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
(Moses. Exodus 2:16-21)
your brother to die and take his widow.
(Boaz. Book of Ruth)
9. Make up for quality with quantity.
(Solomon. 1 Kings 11:1-3)
8. Kill a husband and take his wife.
(David. 2 Samuel 11)
Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get
tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the
woman you wanted to marry in the first place.
(Jacob. Genesis 29:15-30)
you see someone you like, tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now
get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get
her for me. She's the one for me."
(Samson. Judges 14:1-3)
5. Find a
prostitute and marry her. (Hosea
Find an attractive prisoner of
war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new
clothes. Then she's yours.
Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
(Xerxes or Ahasuerus. Esther 2:3-4)
2. Go to a
party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her
off. (Benjamites. Judges 21:19-25)
AND FINALLY, NUMBER 1 .
Cut two hundred foreskins
off of your future father-in-law's enemies. (If you really want to impress
him, pickle them!) (David. I Samuel