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Max Shapiro poured out his heart to his shrink. "Doc," he pleaded, "I'm getting old, I'm almost out of money, and Social Security doesn't even pay half my rent. What's going to happen to me? I'm worried sick about my future!"
"Yes, Max, I can help you" said the shrink.  "You'll need to see me twice a week for $100 a visit, paid up front."
"That's nice, doctor. But now that your future is assured, what about mine?"


A priest, a minister and a rabbi were arguing about who was best at their job. To settle the matter, they agreed that they would each go into a different part of the woods and see who could convert a bear.

At the end of the day they got together and compared notes.

The priest began. "I found a bear near a lake and won his trust. I read to him from the Holy Catechism and sprinkled him with Holy Water, and he agreed to come to Holy Mass to take his first communion."

"That's very nice," said the minister." "I, too, found a bear, fishing in a stream. I stood on the bank and preached the Gospel to him, and he asked me to baptize him; so I did."

The priest and the minister then turned to the rabbi who was laying forlornly in a gurney, mummified in a full body cast.

"What happened?" they inquired.

Taking a breath, the rabbi began. "I, too, confronted a bear," he explained. "But looking back," he said philosophically, "maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."

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לֵב שָׂמֵחַ יֵיטִב גֵּהָה וְרוּחַ נְכֵאָה תְּיַבֶּשׁ־גָּרֶם׃

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine;
but a broken spirit drieth the bones.

(Proverbs 17:22)

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