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A Visit from the KGB

The phone rings at KGB headquarters.

"Hello? Hello, is this KGB?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood."

"This will be noted."

Next day, the KGB comes over to Rabinovitz's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no diamonds, swear at Rabinovitz and leave.

The phone rings at Rabinovitz's house.

"Hello, Yankel! Did the KGB come?"


"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yes, they did."

"Now its your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."


True Conversion

A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday the Catholics go crazy because, while they're morosely eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks.

So the Catholics devise a plan: They'll work on the Jew to convert him. Finally, by means of threats and pleading, the Catholics succeed.

Victoriously, they take the Jew to the priest, who sprinkles holy water on the Jew and intones, "Born a Jew, raised a Jew, now a Catholic."

The Catholics are ecstatic. No more delicious, but maddening smells every Friday evening. But the next Friday evening, the
scent of barbecue again wafts through the neighborhood. The Catholics all rush to the Jew's house to remind him of his new diet. Dumbfounded, they see him sprinking water on the sizzling steak, and intoning, "Born a cow, raised a cow, now a fish."

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לֵב שָׂמֵחַ יֵיטִב גֵּהָה וְרוּחַ נְכֵאָה תְּיַבֶּשׁ־גָּרֶם׃

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine;
but a broken spirit drieth the bones.

(Proverbs 17:22)


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