The Yeshiva University Crew Team
Yeshiva University fielded a crew team. Much to their shame, they lost every race. They practiced hour after hour, day after day, but always came in dead last. (But at least they were consistent!)
The Rosh Yeshiva* finally decided to send Yankel to spy on the Harvard team. So Yankel shlepped off to Cambridge and hid in the bullrushes off the Charles River from where he intently watched the Harvard team as they practiced.
After carefully observing the Harvard crew's winning technique, Yankel hurried back to the Rosh Yeshiva, grabbed him by his beard, and triumphantly announced: "I figured out their secret! They have eight guys rowing and only one guy shouting!"
* Head of the Yeshiva
The Reform Rabbi
A Reform rabbi was such a compulsive golfer that once, on Yom Kippur, he left his house early for a quick nine holes by himself. An angel happened to be looking on, and immediately reported to God that a terrible sin was being committed on earth.
"Good job!" said God. "I'll punish him good."
The rabbi walked up to the sixth hole, placed his ball in the tee, lined up his shot, and gave the ball an impressive zetz*. At that very moment, God caused a mighty wind to carry the ball the 280 yards from the tee to the cup for a miraculous and dramatic hole in one.
The angel was horrified. "Lord," he exclaimed, "You call this a punishment?!"
"Of course," said God. "Who can he tell?"
* A hard hit.
* * * * *
לֵב שָׂמֵחַ יֵיטִב גֵּהָה וְרוּחַ נְכֵאָה תְּיַבֶּשׁ־גָּרֶם׃
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine;
but a broken spirit drieth the bones.
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