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AT THE RACES

An old Jewish man went to the races for the first time. Not knowing a thing about horse racing, he went to the paddock to take a look. He saw a Rabbi blessing one of the horses. He wrote down the number and placed a $2 bet. Sure enough the horse won and the man won $20. He went down to the paddock again and again the rabbi was blessing another horse. He wrote down the number, bet his $20 and again the horse won, earning $100. This went on, race after race, until the old Jewish man won $5000. Just before the last race he watched the rabbi bless another horse. He bet the $5000, but this time the horse came in dead last.

He ran down and yelled to the Rabbi, "Why did every horse you blessed win except the last one? He came in dead last!!!

The rabbi replied,"That's the problem with you Reform Jews...you don't know the difference between a brucha and a Kaddish.
 

A BIRD FOR MAMA

His mother was now living in Miami Beach and Dan didn't see her that often. Since his father was no longer around, he was concerned that his mother might be lonely. So for a surprise, he purchased a rare parrot and trained it to speak seven languages. Then he had it delivered to his mother just before her birthday.

A few days later, he called. "Ma, what did you think of the bird?"

"The bird was good but a little tough. I should have cooked it longer," replied his mother.

Aghast, Dan exclaimed, "You ATE the bird? I can't believe it! Ma, that bird was very expensive! It even spoke seven languages!" said Dan, shocked.

His mom replied, "Well, if the bird was so smart, why didn't it say something when I put it in the oven...???"