A  fleeing Al Qaida guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through the Iraqi desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties.

The Arab asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no extra water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.00."

The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I do not need an overpriced tie, I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

"OK," said the old Jew. "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom."

Muttering, the Arab stumbled away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, near collapse, glaring at the Jewish man.

He gasped, "Your brother won't let me in without a tie."

Submitted by Asher Motola. Thanks, Asher.


A  disheveled and distraught wreck of a man comes running to his rabbi.

"Reb Yaakov! Rebbe! Tell me what do! Rivka is trying to poison me!"

"Calm down, now" says the rabbi comfortingly. "Don't you worry! I'll speak with your wife, and then we'll meet again and I'll tell you what you should do."

Several days pass, and the rabbi calls the hopeful man to his office.

"Moishe," says the rabbi deliberately. "Listen to me carefully. I spent an entire afternoon talking with your wife, and now I'll tell you what you should do: Take the poison!"

This lousy joke dredged up from the memory of "Nucham" da editor. Thanks a lot, Norm!